My boyfriend and I have dated for 10 years. I am now 30 years old and he is 35. Unfortunately, he says he is not yet ready to get married. People say I should just move on and find someone who is willing to tie the knot. However, I love him and cannot just walk away. I have now decided to resign myself to just living together without being married. After all, a wedding is not what makes a marriage. Am I lying to myself? Is there a better way to get the ring without pressurising him? Is a wedding necessary?
A wedding may not make a marriage but it is what makes a marriage official and so cannot be trivialised. However, I see two scenarios in this case. First, that your boyfriend has opened up to you that he is not ready to get married but at the same time you say you will go ahead and live with him regardless of the wedding.
It is important to be on the same page when it comes to marriage. Find out what he means by not being ready, this will give you a clear view about the relationship. Men are not taught how to love and neither can they be forced into settling down. A man who wants to marry says it and shows it, meaning you can see it. It is important to note that commitment is key in a relationship and a wedding is top on the list.
My take would be that you find the best time to discuss with your boyfriend what you think about your relationship and that will eventually lead to finding out when he intends to marry you officially. Dating for 10 years may not guarantee that you are the one he wants to settle down with.
The level of commitment will be seen through planning a visit to your parents and also starting to plan for the wedding. Do you still want to take another risk after living together without any sign of commitment?
Having dated for 10 years, take time and remember what has been happening. Has your boyfriend ever proposed to marry you?
These questions will enable you make a reflection on your relationship. Let your desire to make the relationship official be known in clear terms and if after all this discussion he is still adamant, then perhaps it is time to start weighing your decision.
If you resign yourself to the current status quo, over time, you will slowly grow bitter and one day, no amount of love will be able to hold you back from breaking down.
In case you want further support on the same, you can seek the services of a relationship counsellor who will provide a safe avenue for you to explore your relationship.